Some Preliminaries Couples Must Do
Before a Military Wedding

Requirements

A military wedding may be officiated by a Christian minister in a church or Jewish rabbi in a synagogue. The military wedding may also be held at a chapel on the base site. Those who marry at a military chapel are military academy graduates, a child of the graduate, a staff member or a faculty member. When the groom's residence is at a military post, officers and their spouses, as well as civilians are invited to the wedding and reception. The American flag is displayed at the wedding.

If the service is performed by a military chaplain, there is never a fee. He or she should be consulted before hiring musicians or a photographer.

Military custom dictates that a formal invitation to the reception be extended to the chaplain and his or her spouse.

Wedding Attire

Grooms wear the uniform of the Army, Navy, Marines, or Coast Guard. A groom from the US Marines wears white gloves and carries a saber. If he is from the Navy or Coast guard, he wears a sword. Military men in uniform are adorned with military decorations, and never wear boutonnieres on the uniform. If all of his ushers were in the service, he would probably choose to wear a uniform. If some of his attendants were civilians, the choice would be more difficult because the wedding party would not all be dressed similarly. In this instance the groom usually conforms to what civilians are wearing since it cannot be the other way around.

An officer or enlisted personnel in the bridal party wear uniforms in accordance with the formality of the wedding and seasonal regulations.

For officers, evening dress uniform conforms to civilian white tie and tails. Dinner or mess dress uniform is in accordance with black tie.

In the case of non-commissioned officers, dress blues or dress green uniforms may be worn at formal or informal weddings.

White gloves are a necessity for all saber (sword) bearers. The choice to attend the wedding in uniform as a military guest is optional.

The Bride

A female officer may wear a traditional bridal gown, or she may be married in uniform. A boutonniere is never worn with uniform.

Most brides in military services choose traditional wedding gowns. If she does wear a military uniform, she still holds a bridal bouquet in her hands as she walks down the aisle. The bride stands to the right side of the military groom during the wedding because the sword is worn on the left side.

If the bride will not be in uniform, she should complement the very formal style of the military uniforms by wearing a long, elegant dress with a flowing train and veil (for a second wedding omit the train and veil). Bridesmaids and honor attendants wear equally formal long dresses.

The Invitations

Gold-braided edges or an ink drawing of crossed swords adds a military flourish.

Wedding Invitations. Wedding invitations as a type of formal invitation are generally fully engraved, 'Ihere are a multitude of styles and colors of paper available to the bride for wedding invitations and the standard plain white card is no longer a must. The following examples are suitable formats:

If the bride is a member of the armed forces, it may be shown as:

Margaret Louise
Lieutenant, United States Navy

If the parents of the bride are deceased, invitations may be issued by a close, older relative:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their granddaughter
Margaret Louise Connelly

If the bride's father is deceased or divorced and her mother is remarried:

Captain and Mrs. William Green
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of her daughter
Margaret Louise Connelly

Mrs. William Green
requests the honor of your presence
at the marriage of her daughter
Margaret Louise Connelly

If the bride's mother is deceased and her father is remarried:

Commander and Mrs. Joseph Brian Comelly
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of his daughter
Margaret Louise

If the bride is a young widow:

Commander and Mrs. Joseph Brian Comelly
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Margaret Connelly Jones

If either the bride or the groom's rank is that of Commander or Lieutenant Colonel or senior, it is properly shown with the rank preceding the name:

Commander Peter David Jones, Junior
United States Navy

Those of the rank Lieutenant Commander or Major and below use the following format:

Elizabeth Eileen Smith
Lieutenant, United States Navy

'Their" may be substituted for "his" provided the relationship between daughter and stepmother is a close one.

Invitations to church weddings customarily do not request a reply. "R.S.V.P." is included on the invitations to receptions which appear as:

Reception
immediately following the ceremony
The Naval Officers' Club
Bethesda, Maryland

R.S.V.P.
700 Idaho Street, Northwest
Washington, District of Columbia 20320

or

Commander and Mrs. Joseph Brian Connelly
request the pleasure of your company
at the reception
following the ceremony
700 Idaho Street, Northwest
Washington, District of Columbia
R.S.V.P.

If everyone invited to attend the ceremony is also invited to attend the reception, simply add the following to the basic wedding invitation:

and afterwards at the reception
Army-Navy Country Club
Arlington, Virginia

When double envelopes are used, the outer one should have the full name and address of the invited guests handwritten in ink; and the inner one, the guests' courtesy titles and surnames only (Mr. and Mrs. Brown; Rear Admiral and Mrs. Symthe; Commander Black). The inside envelop is placed within the outer envelope in such a manner that the writing on the former faces the back of the latter so that it will be on top when the outer envelope is opened.

Here are several examples

Army/Marines-Captain or higher
Navy/Air Force-Lieutenant, senior grade or higher -
Title appears on the same line as the name:

Colonel James Jones
United States Army.

... with wife:

Colonel and Mrs. James Jones
United States Army.

For lower ranks:

John Doe
Seaman, United States Navy

If there's a "Mrs.", the envelope is addressed as "John Doe and Mrs. John Doe". By leaving off the title "Mr.", you're indicating it's John that's the Seaman. If it's the "Mrs." that's the seaman, the envelope is addressed as: "Mr. John Doe and Jane Doe". Same logic applies in leaving off the title.

Officers in Reserve:

Colonel and Mrs. James Jones
United States Naval Reserve for Army: Army of the United States

First and second Lieutenant:

First and second Lts. use "Lieutenant" only. A numerical designation is not used.

Retired officers as indicated above for those ranks:

Retired officers as indicated above for those ranks, should list themselves as "United States Army, Retired"

Additional Insights:

Rules for the Army apply to the Marines, rules for the Navy apply to the Air Force (yes, I know, the Marines are a branch of the Navy but the addressing is not the same).

I also understand the military has slightly different rules for addressing. However, this is a "social" function, not a "military" function. Even if it's a military wedding, it's still a social function because it is not directly sanctioned (but they are approved, there's a difference) by the Commander-in-Chief.

The Arch

The outstanding feature of a military wedding that differs from other ceremonies is the arch of swords through which the bride and groom pass at the end of the ceremony. NOT all personnel are allowed this honor. Please visit the individual service wives websites for service specific details. As soon as the service is over, the ushers (usually 6 or 8) line up at the foot of the chancel steps. Friends and relatives leave the chapel prior to this so that they can watch. At the head usher's command, "Draw swords", they hold up their swords (blades up) to form an arch. (Navy ceremonies use an arch of swords and Army ceremonies incorporate sabers.) The couple passes through, the head usher says, "Return swords", and the men put them back in their sheaths. They then turn and escort the bridesmaids down the aisle. The tradition of the bride and groom walking through the arch of swords is meant to ensure the couple's safe passage into their new life together.

Any civilian ushers in the party line up beside the others and stand at attention as the bride and groom pass by. Therefore, unless the ushers are all officers, it is wiser to omit this ceremony since it would not achieve the same impact.

The Arch of Sabres
Army

The arch of swords takes place immediately following the ceremony, preferably when the couple leaves the chapel or church, on the steps or walk. Since a church is a sanctuary, in case of bad weather, and with permission, the arch may be formed inside the chapel or church. Also, with permission, you may be allowed to have two arch of sabers, one in the church and one outside.

If an arch is held inside and the ushers are commissioned officers, they line up with the bridal party at the altar. After the blessing, the bride and groom turn, face the guests and remain there while the saber bearers get into position.

The senior saber bearer issues a quiet cue, and all saber bearers turn, proceed to the center aisle in pairs, facing the guests, and stop at a point just forward from the first pew line. With the command "Center Face" they pivot so that the officers are in two lines facing each other. At the "Arch Sabers" command, the saber is raised with the right hand until it touches the tip of the saber directly opposite. The cutting edge is up.

As the guests stand, the bride and groom start the recessional, passing beneath the arch.

After the newlyweds have walked through, the commands "Carry Sabers" "Rear Face" and "Forward March" will move the saber bears to the outside of the chapel to prepare for the second arch.

Only the bridal couple may pass under the arch. The recessional continues after the saber bearers have exited the chapel.

It is traditional, as the couple recess through the arch of swords, that the last two men to make up the arch lower their swords in front of the couple, detaining them momentarily, while the sword bearer on the right, with his sword, gives the bride a gentle "swat" on the rump and utters, "Welcome to the Army," or the appropriate branch of service. This step is omitted if the bride is in the military. Only commissioned servicemen and servicewomen may participate in the arch of swords or sabers.

The Arch of Swords
Navy & Marine Corps

The swordsmen, usually ushers, seat the guests, and after the mother of the bride has been escorted, will hook on their swords, wearing them until time to form the arch.

It is virtually the same as the Arch of Sabers except for the command "Officers, Draw Swords" when the swords are drawn from their scabbards in one continuous motion, rising gracefully to touch the tip of the opposite sword. Then, at "Invert Swords" there is a quick turning of the wrist so that the cutting edge is up.


The Arch of Sabres
Air Force

The saber bearers cannot perform the function of ushers. The bearers head the processional lines, the chaplain waits at the top of the chancel and the saber bearers proceed until they form two lines directly in front of the chaplain, making sure that they leave enough room for the bride and groom to kneel. Upon reaching their positions, they pivot to face each other and pivot again to face the guests.

As the bride and groom pass each set, the saber bearers automatically face one another, and, as the bridal couple prepares to kneel, all saber bearers turn in unison to face the Bible on the altar.

When the blessing has been completed, all pause as the arch is formed before the couple leaves the chancel.

After passing through the arch, the bride and groom wait for a moment at the head of the chancel steps, and the command is issued to return the saber to the Badric (saber belt) or to carry sabers. The recessional is then commenced.

Departure from the Church

At a military wedding, the bride and groom usually leave the chapel or church under the traditional arch of sabers.

It is preferable that six ushers in uniform perform this ceremony, although many more may take part. Ushers may be in uniform of one or more services.

Rifles can be substituted for the sabers if there is difficulty in obtaining the needed amount. Most military chapels have them on hand, or the couple could check with the local military museum or with the various commanding officers to request the sabers.

The Wedding Reception

At the reception, if the groom is in uniform, protocol demands that he proceed the bride in the receiving line.

The national colors and distinguishing flags may be displayed, exactly centered, behind the receiving line, and if the reception room is large, the bridal couple may want an arch included at the reception instead of during the recessional.

Cutting of the Cake

On command, the saber bearers enter the reception room in formation lining up in front of the wedding cake, facing each other.

The bride and groom leave the receiving line, then pass beneath the arch. They may pause and kiss, before proceeding to cut the cake. The groom would then hand the bride his unsheathed saber and with his hands over hers, their first piece is cut.

There is no ornamentation to the saber. It must remain undecorated.

Decorations

Some couples include the flag in addition to other ceremony decorations. You may also include a symbol of your branch of service. The theme song from your branch of service can be played at the reception and miniature flags can be incorporated into your decorations.

The Reception

You might feature regimental decorations and music, including miniature flags and the theme song of the groom's and/or bride's branch of service.

Some couples include the flag in addition to other ceremony decorations. You may also include a symbol of your branch of service.

The theme song from your branch of service can be played at the reception and miniature flags can be incorporated into your decorations. For table decorations you may want to look at Season's Service.com, specifically here, even though it says "Marine Corps Ball" you may purchase decorations for all services (look at the ordering section on the bottom of the page).

The Cake Topper

We are asked over and over "Where can I find a cake topper for ______ ?" That isn't as easy as it should be since it is a specialty item and most cake decorators do not have them. Therefor, here is a list:

Tips & Other Traditions

Verify your plans well in advance with the proper military authorities. Get permission for flowers, music and photography from the chaplain as each academy and military base has its own guidelines.

If members of the honor guard are also wedding attendants, they must wear military dress. No one out of full dress uniform can carry a sword or saber.

For an overseas wedding on or off-base, determine what papers are required before a spouse-to-be leaves the U.S.

Contact the chaplain early if you wish to marry at a military academy chapel. Since undergraduates may not marry, back to back wedding ceremonies may be the norm following graduation.

Most bases will be able to provide sabers or swords, but if you have trouble finding them, check with your local ROTC office.

Seating of Officers

At the ceremony, the bride or groom's commanding officer and spouse may sit in the front pew if the parents are not present. Or, the commanding officer may sit near or with the family.

Flag and general officers are customarily seated just behind the two families.

Other Traditions

Another tradition is that a midshipman or cadet may give his fiancée a miniature of his class ring as an engagement ring.

Reserve Officer Training Corps (ROTC) personnel may give miniatures of their fraternity rings to their fiancée. During the wedding ceremony, a simple band is exchanged to complete the set.

Did You Know?

Bridal Attendants

The maid or the matron of honor keeps the groom's ring until the appropriate time in the ceremony, when she exchanges it for the bride's bouquet.

The best man delivers the officiant's fee--either before or after the ceremony.

The ratio of guests to ushers is 1 usher for every 50 guests.

The ushers or groomsmen seat the bride's guests, usually on the left, and seat the groom's on the right, except for Orthodox Jewish weddings, when the sides are reversed.

The Processional

In anticipation of the exchange of rings, the bride should remove her engagement ring and place it on her right hand prior to the processional.

The proper sequence for the processional is: ushers, groomsmen, junior ushers, junior bridesmaids, bridesmaids, matron of honor, maid of honor, pages, flower girl, ring bearer, and bride and her father.

For a home wedding, the order for those in the processional is the same as in a church.

The mother of the bride is the official hostess at the wedding reception. She is the last person to be seated at the ceremony and the first to greet the guests in the receiving line. The father of the bride may stand in the receiving line or mingle with guests as the host of the reception.

The bride, who is normally escorted by her father, walks down the aisle on his right. If, however, her father is deceased, a brother, uncle, godfather--or close family friend-- would take his place. In rare cases, the bride might ask the bridegroom's father to assume the role. If the substitute escort is not a close relative, he should not "give away" the bride; her mother should do that. In this case, the substitute acts only as an escort.

Upon arriving at the front of the church, the bride lets go of her escort's arm and moves her flowers to her left hand. She, then, gives her right hand to the bridegroom. The groom, then, places the bride's right hand through his left, and she rests her hand near his elbow.

The bride's escort remains at her left side--or a step behind--until the clergyman asks, "Who gives this woman to be married?" The escort then reaches in front of her and places her right hand in the clergyman's right hand, symbolizing the "giving" of the bride.

It is here that the many variations in the wedding ceremony become noticeable. · The bride's father can say "I do." · Or, her father can say, "Her mother and I do." · Both parents can say "I do," with the mother speaking from her place in the pew. · If the father is deceased, and the bride is escorted by another man, the mother would respond "I do," from her place.

In a church with two aisles, the processional goes up the right aisle, the bride's family sits on the left side of the right aisle, and guests are seated according to the aisle and not the church as a whole.

Recessional and Receiving Line

For the recessional, the ushers and bridesmaids pair off, symbolizing the marriage.

The proper sequence for the receiving line is: bride's mother (or in the absence of the mother, whoever is hosting/paying for the reception), bride's father*, bridegroom's mother, bridegroom's father*, bride, bridegroom, honor attendant, bridesmaid(s). *Participation is optional.

Both mothers usually wear gloves in the reception line. The bride's mother makes the decision of whether to wear gloves or not, and the bridegroom's mother follows her lead. The bride generally does not wear gloves.

At a formal wedding, the toasts are offered when all the guests have been seated and served the champagne. At a less formal wedding, where there is no bridal table, the toast may take place immediately after the receiving line has broken up, or just before the wedding cake is cut.

The Toast

The best man traditionally offers the first toast, which is offered to the couple. He waits until all are seated and have their champagne. At the bridal table, the bride's glass is filled first, then the bridegroom's and the honor attendants, followed by the rest of the bridal party.

The bride and groom remain seated for the best man's toast. Also, the bride should be seated when her bridegroom toasts her. The bride, however, should rise when her parents or her bridegroom's parents are toasted.

Dancing

If a reception includes a full meal, dancing is delayed until after dessert. For a less formal wedding, dancing may begin when the couple wishes to start, and it is the bridal couple who must start it.

The bride and bridegroom dance the first dance together, usually to a song that has special meaning for them. While they are dancing, the guests often form a circle around them and applaud.

Usually for the second dance, the bride's father begins the dance with his daughter, and her father-in-law later cuts in. At the same time, the bridegroom dances first with his mother-in-law and then with his mother. Usually during this second dance, the best man cuts in on the bride's father-in-law. Each member of the bridal party should understand the sequence to avoid confusion.

The Cutting of the Cake

Using a knife decorated with ribbon, the bride cuts the first two slices, symbolizing the traditional role of wife as "food preparer." The bridegroom feeds the first bite to his wife, symbolizing the traditional male role of provider.

In a double wedding reception each couple has their own wedding cake, which they cut in sequence (the elder bride cuts first), so each can watch the other.

Miscellaneous Facts

If a clergyman travels to the wedding, the travel and lodging expenses should be paid for by the family making the request.

During Eastern Orthodox wedding services, the bridal couple holds candles.

The only thing that makes a "military" wedding "military" is the arch of swords, sabers or rifles after the ceremony.

In a double wedding, the older bride goes first.

Aunts and uncles are normally not seated at the parents' table.

Soldier’s and Sailors Act

If you're a reserve component service member called to active duty, you're protected by a law that can save you some legal problems and possibly some money as well.
Under the provisions of the Soldiers' and Sailors' Civil Relief Act of 1940, you may qualify for any or all of the following:

. Reduced interest rate on mortgage payments.
. Reduced interest rate on credit card debt.
. Protection from eviction if your rent is $1,200 or less.
. Delay of all civil court actions, such as bankruptcy, foreclosure or divorce proceedings.

"Although all service members receive some protections under the SSCRA, additional protections are available to reserve components called to active duty," said Lt. Col. Patrick Lindemann, deputy director for legal policy in the Office of the Undersecretary of Defense for Personnel and Readiness. Most active duty service members are familiar with the provisions of the SSCRA that guarantee service members the right to vote in the state of their home of record and protect them from paying taxes in two different states.

One of the most significant provisions under the act limits the amount of interest that may be collected on debts of persons in military service to 6 percent per year during the period of military service. This provision applies to all debts incurred prior to the commencement of active duty and includes interest on credit card debt, mortgages, car loans and other debts. The provision, Lindemann emphasized, applies to pre-service debts, and the interest rate reduction doesn't occur automatically - service members must request it.


Once a service member requests the rate reduction, the creditor must either comply or apply for court relief. The SSCRA puts the burden on the creditor to show that military service has not "materially affected" a member's ability to repay the debt. The court generally grants relief if the creditor can make his case.

Lindemann advised that service members notify lenders of their intent to invoke the 6 percent cap in writing, along with proof of mobilization/activation to active duty and evidence of the difference in the member's military and civilian pay. This could prevent creditors from attempting to challenge interest rate reduction requests in court.

The interest rate cap does not apply to federal guaranteed student loans. However, according to Lindemann, the Department of Education has in the past deferred or suspended payments on student loans for reserve component military members called to active duty. Service members should contact their lenders or schools to determine if such a program has been implemented and its eligibility requirements.

Another key provision under the SSCRA protects your dependents from being evicted while you are serving your country. If you rent a house or apartment that is occupied for dwelling purposes and the rent does not exceed $1,200 per month, the landlord must obtain a court order authorizing eviction. This provision applies regardless of whether quarters were rented before or after entry into military service.

In cases of eviction from dwelling quarters, courts may grant a stay of up to three months or enter any other "order as may be just" if military service materially affects the service member's ability to pay the rent. This provision is not intended to allow military members to avoid paying rent, said Lindemann, but rather to protect families when they cannot pay the rent because military service has affected their ability to do so.


Another significant protection under the act relates to civil proceedings. Service members involved in civil litigation can request a delay in proceedings if they can show their military responsibilities preclude their proper representation in court. This provision is most often invoked by service members who are on an extended deployment or stationed overseas. "I would recommend a service member contact the unit or installation legal office immediately if they receive notice of court proceedings against them," Lindemann said. "Civil court proceedings can involve very complex issues and no one should do anything, including requesting a stay of proceedings, prior to seeking legal advice."

To learn more about these or other provisions of the Soldiers' and Sailors' Civil Relief Act, contact your unit or installation legal assistance office.

http://www.defenselink.mil/specials/Relief_Act_Revision/

_____________________________
Full Medical Scholarship for African Americans Please pass this on to any African American who may be interested in a free medical degree. Washington University in St. Louis, the Medical School, now ranked number 2 (along with Baltimore's John's Hopkins University Medical School) has scholarships to award to bright black Americans. The students that are chosen will be awarded full tuition for 4 yrs - $30,000.00 per year plus $2,500.00 stipend. Check them out on the Web. Washington University Home page http://www.wustl.edu_ <file:///\\www.wustl.edu_> (<http://www.wustl.edu/>). <<http://www.wustl.edu/).>> For Complete instructions and deadlines for applying, call the office of undergraduate Admission at (800)638-0700 or (314)935-6087. To view the application and to obtain more information you can also visit their web site at <http://admissions.wustledu> <<http://admissions.wustledu/>>(<http://admissions.wustledu/>) <<http://admissions.wustledu/)>> The Ervin Scholars Program selection committee evaluates all Applications and invites finalists to Washington University for interviews in the spring. The University pays all travel and interview expenses. John B. Ervin Scholars Program _ervin@wustl.edu_ <mailto:_ervin@wustl.edu_> (<mailto:ervin@wustl.edu>) Dorothy Elliott Associate Director, John B. Ervin Scholars Program PH 314-935-7192 Fax:314-935-5875 E-mail:delliot@artsci.wstl.edu Adrienna L. Glore, Associate Dean for Students, 314-935-5040 E-mail: glore@dosa.wustl.edu_ <mailto:glore@dosa.wustl.edu_> (<mailto:glore@dosa.wustl.edu>) >If you know of any Black American that would like to apply please share this with them. BDPA Richmond: Visit our web site for more information _ <http://www.bdparichmondorg_> <<http://www.bdparichmondorg_/>> (<http://www.bdparichmondorg/>) <<http://www.bdparichmondorg/)>> (804)751-517 J. Ronald White South Central Wake County NAACP http://www.southcentralwakeconaacp.com <file:///\\www.southcentralwakeconaacp.com>

Thought this might be of interest to some:

New law allows higher limits in VA Home Loan program

Legislation recently signed by President Bush makes home ownership more affordable for many veterans.Changes under the law mean veterans will be able to get no-down-payment loans of up to $359,700. The previous ceiling was $240,000."Now, more than ever, veterans will be able to make their dreams of home ownership a reality," said Secretary of Veterans Affairs Anthony J. Principi.VA-guaranteed home loans are made by banks and mortgage companies to veterans, servicemembers and reservists. With VA guaranteeing part of the loan, veterans can receive a good interest rate without having to make a down payment.The changes took effect early last December when President Bush signed into law the Veterans Benefits Improvement Act of 2004. The law also allows for loan limits to keep pace with rising home values.The new law allows VA to guarantee one-year adjustable rate mortgages (ARMs) and it extends, through 2008, VA's "hybrid ARM program," which allows veterans to lock in a favorable interest rate for at least three years.

The first key to success with long distance relationships is effective communication. It is important for both parties to be able to feel that if they need to talk or write to the other person, communication will be welcomed and met with active communication from the other. The quality of the relationship is more likely to increase if both people develop the ability to share feelings openly with each other. The second key to success is a demonstrated commitment to the relationship by both parties. What kind of commitment,and how serious or light it is, will be different for different couples. Being so far apart can be a scary and risky endeavor for most couples, so the third and fourth keys are a willingness to take risks, and the presence of a solid and secure trust between the two people. This doesn't mean that each person needs to skydive from a plane, but rather, that each will trust that the other person's social life in his or her own town will not be a threat to the relationship. Trust is so important that if it isn't strong, you can make a conscious effort to work on it, both on your own and together.

This point leads to the fifth key, independence for each person, with a healthy level of dependence upon each other. When these are present, there is a balance of power in the relationship between both people, and each person can be autonomous but still get emotional needs met by the other person. Furthermore, with an appropriate balance of independence and dependence, each person is allowed, even encouraged, to grow and change as an individual, which everyone needs. It is, therefore, wise not to expect that your partner or yourself will always stay exactly the same as when the relationship started.

When these aspects of the relationship are healthy, the sixth key element tends to be naturally present, a mutual respect. Finally, none of these other elements can offer the relationship success if the seventh key element is not there, clear expectations on the part of both people. It is so very important that you figure out your own personal expectations of the other person and the relationship, and then discuss them with the other person so that both of you are clear and/or can work out differences in expectations. Without this, each person is working on a very different relationship than the other, and problems are likely. One final point about long distance relationships is that you make time together quality time, and build in some alone time during visits. Do things that draw the two of you closer, rather than emphasize the distance between you.

Strategies for Coping

As if relationships weren't complicated enough, having them across a long distance is extremely challenging. However, throughout time couples have had to be miles apart, and have been able to maintain a solid, happy, successful relationship until they could be together again. In order to find success, there are some key elements that are necessary, which have been explained above. Without these key elements, relationships may endure, although they may not be healthy or fulfilling ones

Tips:

The Power of Believing in Your Spouse

One of the greatest gifts you can give your mate is to believe in his or her dreams. As the pressures of life intensify, sometimes the difference between going after a dream and remaining passive is having someone say, "I believe in you!" If this is your desire, I encourage you to answer two important questions.

The first step is to learn what your spouse is dreaming about. What specific things motivate him in life? What does she want to accomplish in her lifetime? During a road trip, Erin and I made a list of all the things we wanted to complete before we die. As Erin talked, I was amazed at the diversity of her dreams. I had no idea she even dreamt about some of those things. Understanding your mate's goals is a great way to deepen your intimacy.

After hearing about your mate's dreams, it's important to determine what might inhibit realizing those goals. Is it a lack of confidence? Maybe she doesn't know where to begin? Whatever the reason, I encourage you to find out and assist him or her to overcome those barriers.
As I discovered while running the marathon, when someone believes in you there's no limit to what can be accomplished. However, a goal is only a dream until someone makes it a reality. And that reality sometimes begins with a simple word of encouragement. What a difference you can make if you always treat your mate not as he might be at that moment, but as you know he can be.

http://www.christianwomentoday.com/womenmen/whatmenneed.html

Keep Your Marriage Strong to Prevent Infidelity
By Arlene H. Hull

Sometimes even the strongest marriage encounters some rough, rocky terrain. The key to making it through that territory is to work at a strong and healthy marriage before you get there.

The problems any marriage faces are magnified in the military because of the constant change of locations, deployments, and other stress factors. Infidelity, which shakes the very basis of a marriage bond, has arms like an octopus - it reaches out and touches everyone in the family. Even if the marriage survives, infidelity can hurt and scar innocent bystanders - children, parents, friends, other relatives - no one is left untouched.

Some of the most important tools to use are trust, respect, understanding and empathy. These can be called the "TRUE" strengths of a marriage. Practice each of these daily and your marriage has a good chance of surviving. Disregard even one, and chances are your marriage will be on a rocky road, if not on Dead Man's Curve.

Trust - To place confidence in; rely on; believe. Trust is a natural element within each of us; we are all born with it. We learn not to trust when we feel we've been unfairly dealt with. Hand in hand with trusting is being trustworthy yourself. Trusting your spouse and letting him or her know of your trust is one of the biggest signs of respect you can offer.

Respect - To show consideration for; avoid intruding upon; hold in honor and esteem. You probably believe you respect your spouse, but do you show it? Do you allow him to be himself, or are you constantly trying to change him? Do you tease him (and not in a fun way) about activities that you think are beneath him, such as sports or certain childish behavior? Do you tease her (and not in a fun way) about her appearance? Do you allow her to express herself and speak her own thoughts and feelings, or do you expect her to always agree with your opinions? Do you feel angry or threatened when your spouse disagrees with you?

Understanding - Comprehension; a state of mutual tolerance. While you may not always understand a position your spouse may take on a particular issue, you must learn that sometimes you and your spouse will feel differently and react differently to a particular event. Sometimes the differences are hard to take. Can you differ while loving?

Empathy - Emotional or intellectual identification with another person. Occasionally, no matter how hard you try, you won't understand what your spouse is thinking or feeling. All too often, especially in these times of heightened alert status, your military spouse may be exposed to difficult and disturbing circumstances. Afterward, he might not feel comfortable talking about it, and you might find that what used to be common everyday events can trigger unusual (even frightening) reactions in your spouse. This might be even more difficult when it's the wife who has seen hazardous duty and the husband who must learn to empathize.

At times like this, it's important to try to put yourself in your spouse's shoes and to see the situation through eyes other than your own. We all react to situations based on our own experiences, which will most likely differ from everyone else's. While you may not always be able to see or understand those differences, it is important to realize that they are causing reactions in your spouse.

Especially in the military, when your spouse might be away often and for long periods, it is important to focus on your relationship when you are together. The strength you build in your marriage is what will hold you together during those separations.

Why things start to go wrong

CREDO and PREP
The Navy and Marine Corps give you valuable resources to help you build a strong marriage. Contact your command chaplain or the Religious Ministries Department on base for information about marriage encounters and seminars. You can also get personal counseling and find groups that focus on marriage enrichment.

See if your base offers the Chaplain's Religious Enrichment Development Operation (CREDO). CREDO retreats help you develop new perspectives about your relationships with family and friends, the military, and spiritual traditions. The retreats are free and are open to all active-duty military, reservists, retirees, and family members.

After attending a CREDO Hawaii weekend, Vern and Marge (not their real names), recommend the workshop to everyone they know. Vern says, "The experience helped me to know myself better as an individual, so I felt I had more to offer to my marriage." Marge adds, "The weekend offered such a safe, comfortable environment that was non-threatening that I was able to really be open with my thoughts and not feel judged by others attending the retreat."

Chaplains also offer PREP, a workshop for married couples. PREP teaches constructive problem-solving skills and strategies for building commitment and teamwork within marriage. (You can also get premarital counseling and start working on teamwork skills.) As the PREP literature says, "All of us need to improve our skills when it comes to loving the mostimportant people in our lives."

The Fleet and Family Support Center (FFSC) office on base also offers individual as well as couples counseling for military families.

Numerous websites offer tools and advice for marriage enrichment. These vary from tapes and videos that you can order and share with your spouse to books that you can order or download on your computer. For example, Complete Marriage offers contacts for marriage enrichment seminars and audios for download or streaming. They also offer books free online in the do-it-yourself area.

Whatever steps you take, be sure to take the steps to building a strong marriage now, because prevention is the best cure for any potential problem.

CREDO is the premier, preventative, transformational program beyond Boot Camp for the Sea Services. CREDO provides Military Personnel and Family Members an opportunity to: